The Perfect Victim

Why are you the favorite meal of Social Predators?

"I always wondered: what was it about me that was so interesting to predators and so 'frightening' to healthy people? The answer lies not in my flaws, but in my greatest virtues that were going unnoticed."

And so I created a sequence of characteristics that, before you even realize it, that predator already has its eye on you, and that make healthy people run miles away...

Um jardim sereno com elementos calmantes que promovem a paz interior.

The characteristics they are looking for in you.

Obviously, just as you like people who are well-adjusted, well-structured, and possess certain characteristics, social predators also look for these things in you. Beyond attributes like being hardworking, talented, skilled, and meticulous, they also look for you if you are an "open book," someone who likes to help, listen, is proactive, and collaborative.

Main features.

1. Proactivity, Gifts and Skills : Are you an extremely collaborative and proactive person? The kind of person who, if you don't know how to solve something, you go after it and find out? Do you have a natural gift for being a good parent? Or do you have a natural artistic gift or intellectual abilities that catapult you to great heights?

   
   

2. Financial Stability : You are hardworking, talented, and have good financial stability, or you hold an important position in the company, are a very close relative of someone powerful and wealthy, or someone who can determine the financial direction of a company.

   
   

3. Openness : You are an open person; everyone knows about your life because you are not afraid or ashamed of who you are. You learn from your mistakes and past pains... You easily trust the people around you and like to share your experiences with everyone. This works wonderfully in a marriage where things need to be shared and understood clearly. Having this skill and ability to communicate and reach agreements is extremely effective. However, you feel a bit of a moral hangover from talking too much... There's an English expression that perfectly defines this: Oversharing .

   
   

4. Blindness to evil : Because you are a faithful, honest, and caring person, you wouldn't be capable of doing evil or deliberately hurting someone. You usually think that everyone is as faithful and loyal as you are and that everyone wants the best for everyone else, in a Pollyanna-ish way. You are understanding, and the people who love you feel very comfortable with you. And when someone does something subtle, like a small act of disrespect, you immediately give the person an excuse: "They must be having a bad day," or "That strange look must be shyness," "That person interrupted me because they really want to talk to me or it's urgent." You hear the person talking about envy and think they are (in fact) talking about other people and not about themselves. Or, if the person is deliberately speaking ill of someone without apparent reason to you, it's because they want to protect you from that person you don't yet know... You love to believe that everyone is nice and invent excuses in your head for those strange behaviors.

I have some good news and some bad news for you: The good news is that people with good self-esteem ALSO possess these characteristics. The bad news is that self-esteem alone doesn't protect someone from falling into abusive relationships. I myself have never had problems with self-esteem; in fact, sometimes I think I'm much prettier and better than I actually am. And this has a good side because when the person starts the devaluation phase, I get out of there. I've never been discarded by a narcissist. But leaving a relationship with them, even before the discard, is still extremely painful because they create a symbiosis with you, hypnotize you, and addict you to love bombing. You feel like you're losing the "love of your life." Notice that I'm showing you here that these characteristics are extremely positive. However....

"The good news is that your essence is wonderful. The bad news is that self-esteem alone doesn't protect you. You need a safety net."

How can I adjust my behavior to avoid becoming a social predator?

First: DO NOT CHANGE ITS ESSENCE! Only install security systems:

1. When it comes to Skills and Proactivity : Only show your skills gradually and slowly to people who are proving themselves to DESERVE that specific dose of your proactivity. And this is a precaution you should take in Love Bombing, because this person will try to break through the protection of your skills and proactivity by being extremely solicitous . But, PAY VERY CLOSE ATTENTION: they are solicitous for no reason at all ! They simply appear – out of nowhere – very helpful, very passionate, very incredible without you knowing the real reason for so much "flattery". Be wary of very intense people right from the start. And that's why when you are also very proactive without the person deserving anything for it, you PUSH AWAY HEALTHY PEOPLE AND ATTRACT PREDATORS. Because needy people can be Codependent (who are also abusive) or Narcissistic and Psychopathic and have a hidden agenda. Healthy people perceive this as a problem and run away because they know that this proactivity often hides an attempt to create an emotional deficit in the other person. And that is a type of emotional manipulation.

2. Financial Stability : It might seem a bit prejudiced, but to protect yourself, always try to surround yourself with people who are on the same financial and intellectual level as you. People who are seeking to evolve like you without taking advantage of others. If someone speaks ill of someone else, be suspicious, but if the person has a reputation; reputation always precedes. What I mean is that there may be an exception to the rule, but associating with people who are far inferior financially and intellectually to you generates discomfort, and they may react in several ways, but always feeling inferior: If they are a good person, they will try to make up for the loss. But there is a chance that, when they reach a certain level, you will lose their respect. Or they will secretly envy you: doing everything to sabotage you behind your back. They may become a freeloader, vampirizing you and sucking your resources.

3. Opening : The same logic of proactivity and skills applies here, but with a HUGE FIRE ALARM. Install alarms, doors, locks, take medication for compulsion, but DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR LIFE TO ANYONE in an extremely careless way. People with: ASD; ADHD; GIFTEDNESS, PTSD-C, do something called "Oversharing," which is talking too much about everything and about themselves. Even healthy people will HATE your excess of information. They will find you a boring person who wants to be the center of attention, the victim, or the protagonist syndrome. Social predators are exactly like that. They talk too much about themselves and with a big difference: always being "the most": the luckiest, the most wronged, the most tired, the happiest, the unhappiest, the most wronged, the most victimized, etc. How this attracts you and a narcissist: You react by thinking that the narcissist is a transparent, open person, similar to you, social, and in need of help or who will save you; while the social predator sees you as the perfect partner, someone they know exactly which sores hurt when pressed (your traumas); you will do everything to avoid being pressed, including doing everything they want.

4. Blindness to evil : stop measuring everyone by the yardstick of YOUR goodness. Remember that there are murderers who look like Gucci models, elegant, well-dressed, and extremely polite con artists, and ill-intentioned people who are extremely pleasant and popular. It's that old saying: "believe that God will save you, but lock your car." Learn to reprimand your impulse to open up or distrust your feelings of strangeness: your body detected a subtle behavior. BELIEVE it and stand firm even if everyone tries to convince you that so-and-so is an incredible person. TRUST YOUR SNOUT, YOUR INTERNAL COMPASS, trust your little feeling of strangeness! Did you see something strange? IT IS STRANGE, OK? And add up how many strange things that person accumulates and LEAVE, even if everyone thinks you're exaggerating. I've already fallen into an abusive relationship because I dumped a guy right from the start, following my instinct. However, because I doubted my own perception, he campaigned, telling everyone that he wanted to marry me, but that because I had rejected him (the victim), he felt "misunderstood" since everyone thought he was "the man." Everyone convinced me to give him a chance. But, in reality, he was a wolf in sheep's clothing. I ended up giving my tormentor a chance. Therefore: it's better to dismiss a "maybe good" than to lower your guard and fall into the hands of a social predator.

"Don't change your garden, just change who has the key to the gate. 🫡"

https://youtu.be/3qTQr1tVd88?si=Meoy77MSFK-QcSvy

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